When “What If?” Shapes a Child’s Future: Parenting a Child with a Disability

A local reflection on parenting a child with a disability explores the challenges of adulthood, employment barriers, and the need for stronger community and business support.

Photo credit: Cody’s Egg Shack

COMMUNITY CONTRIBUTION

One of the questions that all parents ask when thinking of their children’s future is, “What if?”

What if they get hurt? What if they aren’t happy? What if I screw them up? What if they don’t go to college/university? What if he can’t run the farm? What if they don’t get a job?

When your young child has a disability, the “what if” isn’t much different. The goals are the same: help them learn and grow.

You have the added pressure of dealing with their challenges. You spend your time consulting professionals—doctors, therapists, social workers, and teachers. You spend hours of your day working towards the goals that have been set.

A young man named Cody and his family have been doing all of that. If you live in the Grey-Bruce — if you have been on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok — you may have heard of this young man named Cody and “Cody’s Egg Shack.”

Cody has cerebral palsy and is hoping to someday take over the family farm. Cody’s Egg Shack is the family farm stand with the goal of helping to pave the way for this achievement.

The proceeds from the farm stand are going towards a pool to help Cody achieve the strength and stamina he will need to take over the family farm. Cody’s family has put in a lot of work to try and ensure their son can be a productive member of society.

I encourage all of you to go check out their story online. Like many others in their position, they have had to think outside of the box. There is no cookie-cutter solution to the barriers persons with different abilities face.

Somehow, as a society, we have decided on this magic number of 18, at which you are an adult and you’re supposed to be able to do all the adulting things.

When your child approaches the magic age, some parents are faced with the reality that the goal of independence and a “normal life” is not achievable. So you adjust the goal. Aim for less, but this feels like failure.

And the “what ifs” become bigger and more intimidating.

What’s Plan B? Plan C? Some families cannot even come up with Plan A. What if hard work and hope aren’t enough?

These are valid questions. According to Stats Canada, 27% of Canadians over 15 have a disability. It’s shocking to think that it translates into 8 million people. Adding to that, under 50% of youth with mental health disabilities are employed. Those are staggering numbers to understand.

You have to decide on a new goal. Can they live alone? How long can I look after them?

Persons with disabilities must find an alternative path to be productive members of society. This requires an army behind them to make that happen. Not every person has that army. Sometimes it is an army of one. And that one is likely to have a disability themselves.

The hope that happens leading up to adulthood is often in contrast to the reality that happens after they reach 18. If they do not have a capable caregiver, job, or stable support, the end result is often homelessness, addiction, and/or death.

What is the solution? To be honest, I am not sure, but we need to have the conversation. I do know that most people with different abilities are employable. The Ontario Disability Employment Network reports that 78% of shoppers in Ontario are more likely to purchase products from a business that employs persons with different abilities. That seems like a big deal to me.

With our highly competitive global market, businesses need to take every advantage available. The ODEN is a good resource for families and for businesses to find out more about employment with disabilities in Ontario.

Sara-Lynne Leask is a Bruce County mother of three, working to advocate for her two children with intellectual and physical disabilities. She writes about accessibility issues for Owen Sound Current.

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