Letter: What Is Being Lost to Sexual Violence
A letter from Joachim Ostertag explores the lasting impact of sexual violence on relationships and the role men must play in change.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
A while ago I met a man in a coffee shop, and we started talking. Because he knew I had worked for a long time at the Men’s Program Grey-Bruce, he opened up to me and shared this story, which gives a glimpse into a man’s experience. At first it may seem weird or extraordinary, but it reveals more the norm than the unusual.
“Becoming intimate with women is hard, no matter how hard I try. And not because of what you may think.
It’s that the women I date tell me that they have been sexually abused at least once in their lives by men. And there, the desire that may be growing between us is gone.
I feel helpless because I don’t know what I did wrong, and I am confused.
I don’t blame the women, even feel sorry for them, but I am pissed off that what men did to them in the past is killing our sex today.
And what about my needs?”
He obviously is not alone in his pain. We can see that he attempts to understand and have empathy with the women he is with.
He also is aware that it’s generations of men who have abused women that have led to disastrous consequences for everybody today. And pornography adds just another brutal dimension to this story.
Isn’t there his chance for change? To work towards a better world for all?
Will he do everything he can to treat women with respect, give them all the space they need, and not blame them?
Will he raise his sons with love and care?
Will he do what he can to instill in boys deep respect for women and girls?
Will he notice how men hurt women in any form — emotionally, physically, sexually?
And will he muster his courage to challenge these men?
He and his guy friends may become the change they want to see in the world.
For local support contact: The Men’s Program – CMHA Grey Bruce
Joachim Ostertag
Owen Sound
Letters to the Editor do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of The Owen Sound Current and its editor or publisher.